dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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