I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
