How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
