My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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