WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
