I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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