I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
