Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
