Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
