my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
