we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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