Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
