I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
