in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
