I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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