Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
