what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
