hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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