WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
