the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
