Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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