Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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