i love accidental penises.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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