I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
