So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
