I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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