atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
