Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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