accomplished twins. life is a go
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
