hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
