made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
