who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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