I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
