Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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