Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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