toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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