I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
