I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
