Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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