my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
