What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
