i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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