Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
