i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
