he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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