He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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