I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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