evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
