I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
