I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
