I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
