My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
