I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
