Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
